{ finding it }

Just sad down for a leisurely type, trying desperately to remember all the things I wanted to get done before Jon got home.  And hoping that, in the process of rediscovering my "to do" list somewhere in the recesses of my brain, I find a bit more drive to go with it.

I try write a whole lot of negative on here.  And for the most part I'm successful in that.

Its easy really, on those days where I have nothing good to say about anything.  Where the dishes are piled high and I am asking God why the "Ideal rental" he led us to couldn't have a dish washer.  When theres enough crumbs on the floor to feed a small vermin family through the winter.  When my only company and "help" is a mouthy toddler who things I'm his punching bag.  Those days when all I really want to do is scream....well....those are the days I don't blog.

I know, I know...its all about being honest and forthcoming, right.  What kind of blogger would I be if I didn't spill every little thing that goes on and complain about most of my life? 

Well, I'll tell you.

I'm a blogger who doesn't get paid the big bucks, but rather writes for my own enjoyment and sanity.

I'm a mama who's family is more important to her than her Internet stats.

So some days I choose my words carefully.  Not because I'm putting on a front, but because I don't want to look back at my posts years from now and see a bunch of complaining.  Its just a waste of time and an insult to my family.  Most of you will never know us, but I realize that your opinion of my family is mostly based on what I tell you.  If I sounded like a bitter woman a lot of the time, that's what you would view me as...even if that wasn't who I was.

So, even though I don't agree with airing our dirty laundry in cyber world...

I do want to be honest.

And I will be.

This, my dears, has been one of those days where I feel like screaming.

It is no one fault.

It is no one thing.

There is nothing serious going on...just a lot of little things ( like sickness, teething, fatigue..)

Little things add up quickly sometimes.

There are reasons...but no excuses.

That's me being honest, being real.  Today I really just want to complain...but I wont.  There are a million things going RIGHT in my life right now too, and I can't forget about those.

Some days its a struggle to find joy, but most of that struggle is because we are looking for our joy in the wrong place.  Having all the dishes washed wont give us joy.  A clean house, though very nice, is not the outcome of joy, but usually the byproduct.

Long story short.

I've spent to much time trying to get things done so that I could be have a joyful heart.

When what I needed to do what talk to God, get my joyful heart, then move on to stuff.

Sometime we get to caught up in stuff and forget  to live our lives for things that matter.