{ God and coffee }

I'm not going to lie, today was a long day.  Every last ouch of patience was harshly wrung out of my very being.  I may have been a tad bit crabby.  Perhaps.  I could give a million reasons why but none of them good enough.
Over what little break I had today, I sat down to my ritualistic cup of coffee with my Bible and prayer journal.  God and I had a rather familiar conversation that went a little something like this:

Me: "Dear Jesus, I...."

God: "I've been waiting for you."

Me: "I know God, but I had to wash dishes and do laundry, I am super stressed out and that kid that YOU blessed me with is driving me crazy today and...."

God: "And why did those things have to come first?  Are they more important that spending time with me?"

Me: "Well, of course not God, but I..."

God: "Alyssa"

Me: "..Uhm, Yes God...?"

God: "You know, if you came to me first, I could have helped you with that."

Me: "Oh, *pshh* God, I can do it.  Its just I...."

God: "Alyssa, do you really want to try to do it yourself?"

Me: " Yeah God, I can do it....I just need to do..."

God: "Alyssa, you can't do it all by yourself.  You do need my help."

Me: "*sigh* Your right..."

God: "You don't need to prove anything to anyone, not even yourself.  You are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing and you ARE doing a good job."

Me: "But, God, on days like today...I feel like I'm failing."

God: " Your not"

Me: "But I feel that way."

God: "Why?"

Me: "JJ isn't listening"

God: "Hmm, I just have no idea what that's like!"
(you see....God has a sense of humor)

Me: "....my house is dirty..."

God: "...your point?"

Me: "BUT GOD! I just can't get it together and I neeeeeeeed to do this and this and this...."

God: "Alyssa, no you don't.  You are a wife and mother because I blessed you with those roles, I expected you to love, respect and support your husband and love and raise your son to know me, everything other than that is secondary!  I know you want to be perfect, but that's impossible.  A clean house in not worth time lost with your son, even if hes being a bit of a stinker.  I know what its like when your kids don't listen, I understand your frustration.  Being a parent is hard sometimes.  Remember this is just today, but what your doing with him, how you raise him, that is a forever thing"

Me: ".....uhm, I'm sorry...and your right...of course."

God: " And Alyssa..."

Me: "Yes God?"

God: "Tomorrow, why don't you try talking to be first.  Come to me with your problems and frustrations before you want to explode. Okay?"

Me:" Your right, I will."

God: "I love you, and your doing a good job."

Me: " *tear* thanks God, I love you too.  I'm sorry I don't listen. Your pretty good at this, we should talk more often!"

God: " *smile* yeah, we should."