Midnight Madness

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I was thinking...

and then I stopped, cause it hurt.

ahem-

I digress.

I'm having trouble seeing the glass half full tonight, and am feeling all the more frustrated for it.

I would love to be sharing good news, but I'm not.

I would simply like some answers to some really hard questions, but I don't have them.

I would love to see my husband full of joy, and not so worried.

I would love to know exactly where our food will land if we take this leap of faith.

I know I'm being vague...

but only because I have to me right now.

We have till Monday to make a life altering choice, and as far as pros and cons go, there is no absolute best here. There is only the will of the Lord, which we are trying desperately to understand right now.

I ask for your prayer.

Sometimes I would love to throw caution into the wind and go for it.

I think this is one of those times.

Jon is the opposite, which I suppose make us a perfectly balanced match, but it also means we disagree on things like this.

I am trying so hard not to fix my mind on what I want, because what I want may not be whats best for us. (although, I would love for it to be)

Its so easy to say that you know the Lord has it all figured out, that its in his hands.

But it is much harder to live like you absolutely believe that.

Even when you do.

The night is late, and I should get to be bed if only I could shut off the endless picture show in my mind. The list, the dreams...they run ramped in there at these times of the night. I, evidently, have no off switch.

Sounds of sleeping people fill my house, though I assure you those are not quiet sounds, and all I really want to is to wake my husband up and cuddle in his arms.

But, for now...

I'll let him be.